I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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