it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
