my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
