Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Randomize
