1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
