Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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