Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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