i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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