how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
are you so shy because you have an std?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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