No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
