He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
