Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
