Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
