No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
