with your own penis?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's rum buckets o'clock
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
