I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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