She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
