On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
