There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
