would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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