Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
