what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
