do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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