dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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