my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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