Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
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