just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
