The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
