Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
