That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think your dad took our porno
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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