she was so not down for the gang bang
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
