Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
