Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
