I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she pinky promised me she was 18
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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