not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
