haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
