$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
