I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
