Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
