I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
either way he was missing a nipple.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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