He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
