Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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