I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
