Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
