I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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