Just cropdusted the office
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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