I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
