sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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