peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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