She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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