Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
