is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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