I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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