maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
