he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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