Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
